We haven’t yet posted about the homeless ministry, so I (Lynn) will give you an account of last night’s Care Group. [Note: The Thursday Care Group and Tuesday’s Bible Study are two of the weekly small group meetings held for the homeless people who stay in the CityTeam Shelter at night. On Thursday everyone splits up into groups to share prayer requests and answer questions about their day/life/etc with each other.]
Though we’ve been here for quite a few Thursdays already, last night was probably the most enlightening and enjoyable. It began on a festive note: a church group had come with bundles of new socks to raffle out to the men, so everyone was in pretty good spirits before we got to the small group discussion (including me).
But before that, I wasn't in a good place. We had come downstairs for the Care Group, running fifteen minutes late, because we were praying in our apartment about going. I didn't want to go. I wasn’t feeling comfortable or happy about going to Care group. And earlier encounters with the people in the homeless shelter had left negative impressions on my feeling of safety and being respected. No one had been outwardly rude or intimidated me, but my past experiences and social impressions had already established a foundation of fears towards these “strangers”. It also didn’t help that I felt outnumbered and very strongly that I was a woman in a place of mostly men.
So I was praying for God to help me to work out my fear. I wanted to make a good decision, either about going and challenging myself or stepping back and responsibly recognizing my limits.
In the midst of telling Him that I felt I didn’t have the courage, strength, skill, or passion to help out at care groups—I knew that if I made the decision to go it was not going to be about proving myself. I would have gladly stayed in the apartment, where I felt I was safer. I could justify and be content with the other ways that I was serving in their homeless ministry. But it was in thinking about how the Lord uses our weaknesses to show His greatness, that I began to think what might it look like to step into trusting Him? This would also be a place where I was not going alone, but as a part of my team.
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